So I realize that I am more healed when I address what I am going through aloud. The last coupld of days I have been fighting with the following feelings:

- anger
-confusion
-revenge

I have this urge to continue to feel these things towards a person because I feel that I am just in feeling this way. I was talking with someone who is friends with me and the person that I am having a hard time with, we will call them Ash. The friend informed me of something Ash said and it made me feel shameful and confused how to feel. A lot of what is going on can be placed on my shoulders, I knew better, but still I am left not knowing how to handle the situation. Many boundaries have been crossed, mostly emotionally. I want to blame Ash and also place my hurt on Ash, yeah not good, but its what I feel. Sometimes I feel that I can just ignore the situation and things will be ok, but this has happen before and I know that there is a chance it could happen again. I just feel like the one being tossed about, that Ash is not hurt about what has been going on. Sometimes I feel that people are wanting to protect Ash more than protecting me. That is how I am confused, but mainly just want to get even cause what the person to my friend was hurtful and didn't seem to consider my feelings in the matter. My friend said to look at the situation as it is, that Ash is not a christian so doesn't think the same way as would a christian, well even if so what Ash did, christian or not christian, the person knew better, especially when Ash considers me a friend! Ahhh, I want them to go away, these feelings of rage. I don't want them towards this person, I want to forgive myself for what I said and did, but I can't right now, I mean I can, but...

Truth:

- What I did was sin, plain and simple. No matter what the sin, it is forgiven.
-God wants to release me of these feelings and bring me to peace towards this person.
-I need to address this to the person, they need the right to know that I am hurt so that we can resolve the issue. Here I need to place boundaries and what this friendship should be.
-Stop blaming me or Ash, learn what it means to forgive and act on it.
-Stop being afraid of how others will react and do what is right.

I pray to have courage and be bold in my words and action.