Fear

I have been writing a lot on this thing,hmmm. I know one thing I feel fear. It feels as if someone is grabing at my heart and squeezing real hard. I know the source, I know why but that doesn't really realease its grips. I have a fear of being replaced, that I am easily replaceable. I have felt this before because it is triggered when there is lack of trust and certainty. We as humans fear and dread a time where no one will need us, that we have become eaisly exchange for something more fulfilling (not talking about God here but merely with each other). I guess that shows that I am holding on too tight to people. I cannot bear to be rejected by people that I hold on even to the bad stuff in my life because it at least gives me a sense of comfort, how sick is that. I would rather have something that will probably leave me, abuse me, and have no concern for me at all than have God fill me and complete me with love, trust, beauty, joy, and truth. I KNOW I am holding too tight, its killing me, why can't I see that, there have been like twenty times where this has occured and I have chosen to choose poorly each time.